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The Colbert Report/Episode/531
Production Info |- |} |- |} Intro Bill Posey's New Law * Dr. Colbert wishes everyone was here ** they went through so much together * Bill Posey saluted by Dr. Colbert ** introduced Presidential candidates to submit birth certificate *** Stephen wants to add a urine sample--for * remembered how questions about Obama's citizenship * as persistent as rumors that cable news has standards * if it's a real Hawaiian Birth Certificate, why isn't it etched onto a coconut? * Dr. Colbert would like to thank Posey by thanking him ** demanding DNA tests that Florida congressman prove they are not part-alligator *** enough of the rumors * his mother screamed, reptilian romeo, (etc) * Stephen did his part to make those rumors go away * Bill Posey's grandmother allegedly fucked an alligator Steele Hip-Hop Battle * It's an East-West thing ** East Hampton, Westchester * Yo NBC Press ** hip hop news * BYOI (bring your own it) * Dr. Colbert checks Emily Post's book on etiquette: "Etiquette in Society, in Business, in Politics, and at Home" ** before commencing non-melodic, first set a date *** Stephen chooses "right now" * Steele probably needs time to get here from D.C. * Rainbows are God's way of frowning at gay people * Times up! * Grade-A Slamburger * Dr. Colbert revealed a Navy pinstripe hoodie and rapped * Dr. Colbert has the skillz to pay his children's private school billz * hip-hop response The Report put together for Steele * the sickest thing to drop from a Republican since Bill Bennet * Stephen declares that Steele won the rap battle * a conservative leader like Stephen trying to appeal to the hip-hop audience is insane in the membrane SEGMENT3 * Why is there a bull in the China shop? It wants to get gay married. * When Animals Attack Our Morals * chimpanzees ** Santino collects rocks for visitors ** Stephen understands the urge to throw rocks at Swedes, he's seen Mama Mia *** Chimps drunk dial old researchers *** they can plan *** Stephen's theory that chimps were behind the assassination of JFK * Lizards ** they're godless and he doesn't buy his insurance from them ** young lizard males will pose as females to avoid confrontations with older males *** Lizard Drag queens ** fooled by tranny lizards before * spider ** man who had been in a wheelchair bitten by a brown recluse and after therapy was able to walk again ** impersonating Jesus (did not ascend to Heaven on a silky thread coming out of his butt) Interview * John McCardell ** Professor of History, Middlebury College, Middlebury, Vermont ** founder, director of Choose Responsibility, a group that advocates lowering the legal drinking age in the United States * thinks the drinking age should be lowered to 18, Stephen will make sure he isn't * bring it back to when Dr. Colbert was in college * they can join the military, get shipped to a country where the drinking age is 18 * he trashed Palaoans * MADD deserves credit for lowering drinking and driving * driven youth drinking into clandestine environment * an attempt to be voted coolest college president of all time ** a hall of fame * 135 college presidents signed on * Dartmouth students need the alcohol to get through the winter * horrible schools on the list * increase the incidence of Beer Pong (which causes herpes) * drinking games * risk to life and health Epilogue * Dr. Colbert wants to remind The Heroes not to forget: ** voting to name the NASA Space Node for Dr. Colbert ends tomorrow (Go to ColbertNation.com follow the links and type in "Colbert") * To infinity and Me-yond! Gallery Image:StepUp2Mike.jpg Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Image: Official Truthy Videos * Colbert Nation Home Tube External Tubes *Link Title *Link Title Reviews and Comments